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July 30th 2003 05:50 BST+7
On it getting slightly better
OK, my sleeping habits are still weird but things are starting to calm down. Thailand is actually a lot nicer than I expected and the hotel here is fantastic. A small picturelet from the plane as we arrived...

And dawn this morning:

July 29th 2003 03:30 Who knows what time-zone
On time zones
I knew this trip would suck, and it does. Worse than that, it sucks donkey. It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I don't where I am or where I'm going to. Nightmares are made of things like this.
Comments ()July 26th 2003 15:10 CDT
On being definitely not on form
As you may have noticed, Natzoid and I had a very late night last night. My advice to you all is never to do that when you have small children. They tend not to want to party until dawn, prefering instead to fall asleep and wake up shortly after dawn.
In twenty years time, the roles will be reversed I'm sure. I just hope the kids don't inherit their father's belief in the hair of the dog. Ug.
Comments ()July 26th 2003 11:35 CDT
On the road again, again
In twenty-four short hours, I'm on the road again. This triplet will take me to Japan, Singapore, Thailand, Taiwan and South Korea. I wish I could say I am looking forward to it, but I can't.
When I return, I'm here for about 10 days and then am off back to China for five days. By that time, summer will have worked its way to another part of the globe. Bummer.
Posting may be light for the next two weeks. It also may be morose depending on whether it's absolute hell or not.
Comments ()July 26th 2003 05:15 CDT
On reality
Four o'clock in the morning and still we cannot sleep, turning over, turning round, twisting in our sweat. They say there is no rest for the wicked ones. Dear God what have we done?
While the politics are dubious in my world, get on over to Michele's for the Blogathon. She's covering the hippie sixties, tasteless seventies and the fantastic eighties for the next 24 hours.
It's strange that our views differ so greatly but you can't help but love Michele and Steve for some serious entertainment.
Comments ()July 25th 2003 18:50 CDT
On worrying signs
As Natzoid may have mentioned, young Nic has acquired the nickname dibbady which is, of course, short for Da Big Dog. Natzoid introduced us all to the song 'No Diggity' which has been bastardized to be 'Yo Dibbady' which Nic is almost certainly convinced is about him. Zoe has adopted it and adapted it to be "for all my babies out there" rather than ladies. The funny thing about this is that Nic dances to it every time he hears it. Not a baby dance, but a "Hey I'm in the mood for lurv" kind of swank. Given he is the offspring of an English guy, he has absolutely no right to have any rhythm or dance expertise. Somewhere in the genetics, Nic has has ignored the "I am English therefore cannot dance" gene. This might not be pretty in a few years.
Comments ()July 24th 2003 15:25 CDT
On a wasted day
Natzoid has spent the day lusting after cheap property in Deadwood City. I have spent the day looking at RVs on eBay. Do you think anything constructive might be done today chez nous? No, neither do I. And I care not a jot.
Comments ()July 24th 2003 14:05 CDT
On Wild Bill
A little history for you...
James/William Butler Hickok was reknowned for his legendary gunmanship. Wyatt Earp is on the record as stating that Wild Bill Hickok was the second fastest man in the West (I wonder who he thought was better? sic). He spent the early part of his life in the Union army, spying on the Confederates with numerous trips into Texas. After the civil war, he became a marshal in Kansas. While there, he met his wife, the widow, Agnus Lake, who was the founder of the first traveling circus. In 1872, he took $1600 from his wife and headed with many others to the Blackhills to spend six months prospecting. By all accounts, he did very little prospecting, instead prefering to play poker with his friends.
Although he bragged about the number of outlaws he had gunned down, history records that number at only 12. On one occasion, he had gunned down an outlaw and could hear someone approaching him from the rear. He turned and shot, killing his friend and partner. Legend has it that he never shot anyone again after that incident.
Wild Bill was well known for his eccentricity. He would always walk down the middle of a street rather than the side so assailants could not take him by surprise by appearing from a doorway. He would walk into a room and immediately check behind the curtains. His paranoia was justified; when he first arrived in Deadwood, the local outlaws assumed that his presence meant that he was to be marshal of the town and a plan was hatched to kill him. The plan never came to fruition as no-one considered themselves a good enough shot to get the better of him. A further symptom of his paranoia was that he would never sit with his back to a door which is chillingly justified by the tale of his death.
On August 2nd, 1876, Wild Bill joined three friends playing cards in Saloon No 10 in Deadwood City. The only available seat at the table meant that his back was towards the door. After some jocularity about his paranoia, Wild Bill finally sat in the seat with his back to the door. A few moments later, in walked an apparently very drunk worker named Jack Mccall. Wild Bill spun around and covered him as he approached the table. Having established that he posed no threat, the foursome continued to play cards. Mccall bothered the card-players for a few moments circling around the table before arriving behind Bill, pulling a gun and shooting him through the back of the head.
Mccall was caught a hundred yards up the road and tried for murder. The first trial saw him acquitted after he alleged that the killing was a retalliation for Wild Bill's killing of his brother. After it became apparent that he had never had a brother, he was re-tried and hung.
Interestingly, Wild Bill and Calamity Jane had few encounters and Bill had no time for her. The relationship was a very one-way thing. However, on her death-bed (at a time where she was drinking a quart of whisky a day), she requested that she be buried next to Bill and so she was. His wife died in Kansas some years after and was buried next to her first husband.
Comments ()July 23rd 2003 16:55 CDT
On South Dakota
Wow. What can I say? Upon entering SD, I was cursing why we had come to Iowa's wilderness counterpart. That feeling disappeared as we crossed the Missouri river at dawn and were treated to the most incredible scenery I have ever seen in my life.

Flanked by major vehicular incidents both on the way out and on the way back (which I will let Natzoid describe in her own inimitable style), it has to be said that as far as vacations go, this was the best ever. It may have been cut short by serious financial deficiencies and we never made it any further than SD, but it is certainly something I want to do again. The family humor element was classic...imagine if you will one of Natzoid's more comedic posts and then map it onto some bizarre situations such as driving along a mountain road with a a few hundred feet drop just to the right of the road or sitting in a car watching an old man get out of his car about 10 feet away from a herd of buffalo.
Absolutely stunning.



And one that made me audibly guffaw:

And I now have serious RV-envy. I have the bug. Must get outside and camp. For the whole deal visit here.
Comments ()July 17th 2003 08:30 CDT
On metaphors
Today I will be mostly contemplating this:
rm -rf ./*
Because some days it isn't even worth it. Stop the world; I'm getting off.
Comments ()July 16th 2003 06:40 CDT
On thatsuck.com
Let's just say things are not panning out to plan over at chez nous. Due to a dead van and series of events that are so contrived, no-one could have actually planned them, I'm currently sat at home wondering how to get into work this morning. I begrudge paying $40 for a taxi and I don't know anyone who might be traveling in that direction that I could ask for a lift. Such are the risks one runs when one is as antisocial as I.
That domain that I was considering registering is becoming more and more compelling. Just think of the opportunities for sub-domains. But of course, to absolve the negativity, I would need to also register thatrock.com but I'm sure one site would have more attention paid to it than the other.
Comments ()July 15th 2003 07:10 CDT
On arrivals
I'm finally home, complete with 720 of God's own PG Tips Pyramid Tea Bags. To be accurate, 716 of God's own - the morning after a transatlantic can be harsh. Normal service will resume shortly.
Comments ()July 11th 2003 11:40 BST
On being plagued
I'm sat here trying to write a press release and all my brain is doing is singing a line from an old song "Let the bitter flow, nuke them 'til they glow" - talk about ADD.
Comments ()July 9th 2003 08:15 BST
On the en-suite
My en-suite from last night. In my world, baths should never have legs. Ever. Nothing good ever came from a four-legged bathroom appliance.

July 8th 2003 05:50 BST
On the road again
I arrived. My bag didn't.
I'm awake. I shouldn't be and I don't want to be.
Ug.
Comments ()July 6th 2003 10:15 CDT
On early mornings (the sequel)
Getting up early has left me a little out of sorts. Examples:
Me: Natzoid, I have a mosquito bite right on top of my head.
Natzoid: Good. You deserve it.
Me: Why? I haven't declared a jihad on anyone. For a while anyway. In fact, it's been over a month.
Me: Should I get all good and liquored up in the World Club and start a fight over the quality of the cheese?
Natzoid: You're an idiot.
Ah, sleep deprivation. It's better than crack. I really should start packing.
Comments ()July 6th 2003 08:05
On early mornings
A little tip for you all: when you have gone through your links and read everyone by around six in the morning, do not ever go to google and search for "good web sites" or "interesting weblogs" because you won't find either.
What kind of mind decides searching for such things is a good idea?
Still, I suppose getting up at five o'clock puts me nearly in the European time-zone for my impending departure.
PS - I don't know which I hate more...the smell of wet dog or the smell of dog shampoo. Next time it's bath-time for the dogs, we'll be on Johnson's Baby Shampoo. The delicious irony here is the puddle on the puddled one's nose:

If I can be bothered doing the 26 pictures during July, this one has to be the water shot.
Comments ()July 5th 2003 13:50 CDT
On the build up
Once again, I have procrastinated a morning away. Lawns need mowing, beds need weeding and I've sat around being about as lethargic as I could be. Although, damn if I haven't kicked some computer ass at Euchre.
This little post serves as notice to me. I'm now officially off my arse and doing things. Don't dare to try to stop me.
Update: Two hours outside in 85 degree heat and four welts on various limbs under various bits of clothing and one two on my head. Fecking mosquitos. I am now the elephant man. Do not look at me. Ever.
July 4th 2003 16:00 CDT
On why America is great

It's Independence Day. In a funny sort of way July 4th 1998 was my own personal independence day. Having been evacuated from a hotel in Palm Coast due to fires, Natzoid and I ended up in a hotel in Orlando. The old me, tired, constrained and deeply unhappy with my life was giving way to the new me, someone who knew what they wanted. What they wanted was a new start, to virtually throw away a previous existence and break out of the hell that had been the previous 10 years. And so, I declared my independence from sovereign rule and within a year, I was living in America, reincarnation complete.
So five years on, I'm cranking a cold one and saluting my adopted home. It may not always be right. It may not always be fair. But God damn it if it's not just about the best place on earth.
The beer I have cranked is a Boddies, brewed in my hometown. And you know what? It's cheaper here than it is in England. Just like everything else is cheaper. And we all know why that is don't we? Yup. Taxes. And why did this all come about in the first place? Yup. Taxes.


Happy 4th everyone. I would crank a Budweiser, but I think the occasion merits a proper beer.
Comments ()July 4th 2003 11:15 CDT
On Independence
Yo! My name is Nic. And I am funky. Unfortunately, my dad is a duffer with editing packages. Don't hold it against him; I don't. My body is, in reality, still in one piece and has no nicks (pun intended) or cuts on any part of it.

Apologies to Internet Exploder users who will see a grey background to the picture. Dad tells me that it doesn't handle PNG files properly. I don't believe him; he's just incompetent.
Comments ()July 3rd 2003 15:20 CDT
On fun with the gimp
Jealous of those people with clever buttons over at Natzoid's, I set about creating my own. I, personally love it. You can feel free to enlarge it, print it out and throw darts at my head or you could have it at the center of your mantelpiece, just next to the signed picture of Dolly Parton (that I know you have). If you're nice, I might even sign it for you.
Behold...
Comments ()July 1st 2003 18:40 CDT
On the Yin and the Yang
I don't know when I started to become so politically savvy. All I know is that it coincided with the moment that I foolishly decided that wearing socks at night was a good idea, so it must not have been any time in July (the only month I have empirically derived that there is minimal risk of snow). The sock thing is starting to annoy me now that over-night temperatures rarely dip below 65 degrees, but I daren't stop the practice for fear that my newly found politicism (is that a word? It is now.) will vacate the proverbial premises and be put through the washer with my socks. Methinks that there is a tough decision ahead.
I would like to operate a philosophy that I have heard termed "mushroom management", which literally translates as "feed them shit and keep them in the dark". My own manager is a master of this, has tutored me well and is bright enough to realise when he is having that kind of thing pulled on him so it works out very well as we finagle our way along the corporate tightrope. I'm left wondering whether the tightrope balancing act is improved by the sporting of a good sock and whether that is how these two events are related.
But wait, I'll save these gems for when I write my first book "Undergarments for the Corporate Soul". You, of course, can all have advance copies and free movie tickets for the opening night - I think Clive Owen should play me.
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